RECKLESS thoughts

Realize.

2010-02-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be myself. I can lie and say I think I'm the most awesome thing since Disney, but I would just be kidding myself. I do that a lot lately-kid myself. My inner thought system has been so screwed up lately I can barely keep things straight. My mind is swimming with thoughts about what it means to be me and if what I think it means matches how other people see me. How do you see me? Lately I've been disecting things people say and try to see it for myself. 'A guy would be lucky to have you.' This is a puzzle to me. Why would he be lucky to have me? Somedays I for sure feel it is the other way around. What makes me so different than the next girl besides obvious outward appearence.

I've learned in the past to not judge myself based on other people and what they say. If I learned this then how am I supposed to listen and accept these things people say? 'You can do better than that.' Standard I hope you feel better words. I won't lie, I can't even begin to disect this because I've told someone this a bunch of times and honestly felt that he did diserve it. But things are easier to tell someone else then tell yourself. When you don't have someone there to help you in believing you can do better, well you just won't. I've learned that I can't be who I am alone. That there are several different people that aid or aided in making me who I am.

I always find it funny how people tell you to put yourself out there, go for it, and to try. I find it humorous because how often does that actually work. I can pursue you all I want without ideal results. It all comes down to the courage most of us don't have. Which I suppose is the actual point of this nonsense I've been typing. How do I convince myself that even if I do put myself out there and get a no that life isn't that bad? How do I convince myself that a no is better than not knowing? Can looking too deep into a conversation or something be justified as means for being brave?

Sometimes I think I should just quit. Do the whole what happens, happens bit. The problem in the end would be me comprimising who I am. I mean at least I know what I'm not. I'm not someone who is assertive, I'm not someone who takes being in pain easily. I'm not someone who can sit and wait for something to happen. I've gotten stronger, gotten wiser, but I'm not clear on everything just yet.

I know what I feel, and I know who I am most of the time. Shouldn't that interest you at all? Someone is giving you a glorious new chance. Why would you shy away from that?

He's Just Not That Into You.

2009-07-08T23:40:00.000-07:00

If a guy wants to be with you, he'll make it happen.

No truer words were ever spoken.

This movie is a masterpiece.

It made me angry, worried, laugh.

It made me frustrated for the stupid girl.

It made me cry because it was sad,

and it made me cry because I was so happy.

This movie is an emotional rollarcoaster,

that seems to be legit.

It's weird how emotionally attached I got to everysituation,

how pissed I was at the cheating husband,

how frustrated with the stalker girl,

how sad when two broke up.

It takes an awesome movie to put someone through that.

Thank you whoever the geniuses who created it were.

Job well done.

The friend no one really likes.

2009-07-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

So we all have that one 'friend' that we don't really like. We invite them places and sometimes they are okay, but mostly they are just down right unpleasent. You invite them place because you know they will invite themselves if you don't. Or it's the friend that always has to top everything anyone does. You don't realllly like them, just can't tell them you don't because you're too nice.

What's worse? If those two above described people are the same person. They are the outcast of the group, the person you sneak around without to go to things so they don't find out. You ignore there texts and messages, emails and calls, but eventually feel bad and drop them a hint as to your next plans. Even though you secretly wish that they are busy that day.

They are the person who ruins plans by just showing up. You know everyone around you is groaning on the inside, and when they leave to go to the bathroom or something everyone at once says how mucht they wish they weren't there.

Human kind. That's how we work. :D

sample

2009-07-08T14:50:00.001-07:00

This is just a sample of my photography.

some for now.

first timer

2009-07-08T14:36:00.000-07:00

Blogging is probably the best thing to ever be invented on the subject of useless rants and worldwide opinions. I have blogs on other sites, but nothing strictly dedicated to this hobby. So this officially rocks my world.